Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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