alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
