I just cut my nipple shaving
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
