operation have a gay friend backfired
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
