told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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