No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
