3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
