Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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