the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
