I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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