I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
