mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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