There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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