I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
