I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
