party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
