you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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