im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
