I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
