I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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