where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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