bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I am available for nakedness
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
