if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need a beard to bite.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
