The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
