I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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