im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
