She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
