Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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