actually, I'm a sock model
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Houston, we have a squirter
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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