Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I had to cum in my sink.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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