the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
