So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I accidentally had phone sex last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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