Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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