i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
