I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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