I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
