i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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