apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
