i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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