He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
there is glitter all over my balls
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
