we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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