I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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