My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Come see our sink grown plant.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
