these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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