I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Let's get the cat blown out
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
