5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
