Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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