HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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