I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
