Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
