just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
